Healing,
Healing from an emotional loss is a lonely road. We must travel it alone because we are the ones that have been hurt. We are the only ones that understand the tragedy or the drama best. It is your emotional psyche that has taken on the damage. The problem lies in we must get past this to move our lives forward. Then we must heal sooner than later.
It is very ok to feel your feelings but, when it controls you, we must stop before we go down the rabbit hole of suffering. Suffering can lead into depression and self-worth issues. Understand you are worthy and even though this tragedy or drama has taken place it cannot stop you from living your life with worthiness and purpose.
To heal ourselves we must first recognize that we are not the victim, we can forgive others and ourselves, and we only have the moment we are in.
The victim lies in the shadows. Hiding behind emotions and blame. When we go into being the victim, we get stuck in that moment of the tragedy. The victim likes staying fixated on the “poor me”. The hurt and resentment serve the victim. The victim focuses on themselves looking for sympathy. It feeds on sympathy of itself and others. The hero on the other side does not blame or look for sympathy. They look for celebration of the victory over the tragedy. They fight for the cause of right. They move forward head up and ready to conquer the day. People will celebrate you for overcoming tragedies but, will only be sad for you for a fleeting moment. When you feel yourself sliding into the victim mentality ask, “who is it serving”. Does it serve your celebration or sadness? Rewrite the story if you are the victim and overcome the tragedy by moving forward as your hero.
The next phase of healing is forgiveness. No matter the tragedy or weather you are right or wrong. Forgiveness has to come from deep down and you to believe it to matter. Just saying the words does not bring you to healing. You did what you did, and people did what they did because they did. It was probably not about you in the first place. It might have been fear, hurt or some other emotion that drove them and you to do the thing they did. Realize that is not just about you and let go with forgiveness. You also have to forgive yourself. Even if you think you did not have a hand in the situation. Forgiveness is a 2-way street. It is impacted by both directions. Set your intention to let go with a ritual of forgiveness. Maybe journaling the pain, meditation or prayer. When you are in a space of self-worth, forgive. Make it meaningful and real.
You have only the moment your in. The tragedy is passed and the moment it was in was fleeting. It can not be altered in anyway no matter what you do now. Even if it can be rectified somehow the emotions of others will linger. Don’t become the victim stuck in the moment you cannot control. You have this moment. This moment to move forward. The healing is done in this moment but, once you have healed it will be a memory that does not control you anymore. All things pass and know you will heal in that moment when you are open to.
Don’t live in the guilt of the tragedy. The guilt tries to pull you back to the victim. The victim looks to guilt for blame. Guilt is just blaming yourself and blame is blaming others. You should own your part in the event but, not to guilt. Also, you should not blame others to pass the buck. If you blame or guilt you will not learn the lesson of the tragedy and it will repeat. It does not go away. It helps the victim live longer in that past moment. When something similar to that event comes along again you will repeat the same outcome. When you see yourself blaming and feel the sickness of guilt, own your part in the situation and set yourself free of the tragedy. It does not own you anymore. It lives in the past and although you can learn from it, it is gone.
The victim, forgiving and living in the current moment are very difficult things to do because they are very powerful emotions that hold you in the past tragedy. We have been raised that punishment is deserved because of the crime. This is true even if you are not guilty. Then we want to punish ourselves because someone must be guilty. Why does guilt matter? Does it bring closer to the tragedy? No! When there is guilt there is a victim. Even if you are at fault, you have a wonderful thing in forgiveness and living through the lesson learned.
Above all be true to your self-worth. You are stronger than you know, and the hero is inside you. You cannot move your life forward anchored by the hurt, resentment, guilt or the pain. It will cloud the future. It will not be able to see what wonderful things there for you are if you do not believe in you.
Take the time and heal. Do what you can to release all the negative energy out of your body that holds you in the past. Get rid of the victim, forgive and live this wonderful moment. Become your hero and celebrate your victory of survival.